health

If nothing changes, nothing changes…

From my other blog….

If nothing changes, nothing changes. BUT if something changes and you stick with it….EVERYTHING changes!

I know first hand how that works. In many parts of my life.

If I continued to relate to someone with codependency, that relationship will stay dysfunctional.

If I continued to not have boundaries with someone, I will continue to be run over and feel unheard.

If I continued to be in denial about my health, I would continue to on the path to put myself of a health risk.

I recently read ….Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change. By Tony Robbins. It’s so true. 

Change can be scary. What’s going to happen to me when I get healthy….less dependent….more assertive….speak the truth in love…..forgive them…..take off my mask….forgive myself…..will people like me….will I even like me? 

Well let me say when I stepped out of denial with my health because my pain of staying the same was greater than my pain of change. And I made real changes. And stuck to them for the last 5 months, EVERYTHING had changed. I have now lost 47 pounds. My blood sugar and pressure are back in normal ranges. I have more energy. I am no longer in physical pain daily. I am happier. I am more confident.

As far as if others will like me…..I don’t care. It no longer matters to me if others like me or not. I don’t need to know. It’s actually none of my business. The right people will not only like me, they will love me.

And to answer the do I like me question….I love who I am becoming. I finally feel like I am becoming who I was always meant to be. I love serving others in a ministry that walks along side others who are in pain from life. And they have reached that tipping point of staying the same is more painful than pain of change.

Together we work the 12 steps. They are designed to take actions to achieve the goals of recovery – reconciliation with God, with yourself, with others and then serving and giving back….that’s how it works.

And then together we learn the Celebrate Recovery principals to develop new attitudes – attitudes of humility, vulnerability, honesty and gratitude….that’s why it works.

I love being perfectly imperfect. I make mistakes. And then I can correct them. It’s not a success only Journey. And when I fail, I can get back up. Failing just means I’m trying and not standing still.

If nothing changes, nothing changes but if something changes and you stick with it, everything changes!

My journey to serenity continues…

Ps parts of this post is inspired by a Celebrate Recovery lesson. You will find the most amazing people there. To find a meeting near you, go the Celebrate Recovery website.

You Don’t Realize How Bad You Feel…

UNTIL YOU DON’T FEEL BAD ANYMORE!!!

You don’t realize how bad you feel, until you don’t feel bad any more.

It’s been just over 90 days since I’ve been knowingly living with diabetes. It took a couple of weeks for me to start to FEEL better. And then I realized just how terrible I felt.

I used to get tired going to the grocery store and skip half the aisles. But now, to get extra steps in, I walk up and down EVERY aisle. I used to have to take a break and sit in the shoe section at my favorite big box store. And now when I didn’t have time to walk and now it’s too dark, I stop at that same big box store and walk every aisle at night!

These photos were taken exactly 90 days apart. WOW you are really see it in my face.

I’m now down 35 pounds! I could finally wear my knee high boots that I got and couldn’t zip a year ago. I wore jeans the other day for the first time in forever….jeans! That was an exciting day for sure. And I want to a restaurant today and I could fit in a booth and be comfortable.

These are things that have caused me shame and embarrassment in the past. And it’s things most people don’t even think about. And now these things are motivating. What’s next. What can I do or fit in next!

Was talking with my brother the other day and I said well, I have no choice but to do the next right thing. Sure you have a choice he said. Don’t overlook that.

And yes, I have a choice. But I won’t stop this forward momentum. By me keep doing the next right thing, I am loving myself! It’s the ultimate form of self care.

Stay on this ride with me, the best is yet to be!

~One Smart Cookie

Self Care…

I have not always been very good about taking care of myself. It was never intentional. In fact, I was under the false idea that it’s what I should do. I was a busy single working parent. I’d give to everyone else and at the end of the day I was empty. Tapped out. I had nothing left to give. Rinse and repeat.

But what I know from experience is that you cannot pour from an empty cup.

Making this change over the past couple of years and even more so recently is making me a better mom and friend.

Rediscovering what fills me up makes me a better human.

Taking care of myself makes me healthier.

Taking my meds makes me healthier.

Checking my blood sugar, keeps me on track.

Tracking my food, keeps me accountable. Accountable only to myself.

Planning my food, makes me prepared.

Still doing the next right thing.

Still no sugar on purpose.

Down over 30 pounds.

Blood sugar average is 109.

Filling myself up first so I am able to pour into others.

I still have work to do but it’s getting easier.

The best is yet to be…

❤️ One Smart Cookie

Ps I took the pics used in this post. The tea and tea pot was this morning while at my favorite coffee shop.

What’s in a number?

A number can be a lot of things.

It could be:

  • Time Since
  • Time Until
  • Cost
  • Distance From
  • Distance To
  • Sum
  • Symbol
  • Real
  • Absolute
  • Complex
  • Bytes
  • Negative
  • Positive
  • Count
  • Label
  • Sets
  • Squared
  • Rooted
  • Fractioned
  • Diameter
  • Ratios
  • Rounded
  • Truncated
  • Even
  • Odd
  • Prime
  • Integer
  • Fundamental
  • And can even be Perfect
  • And numbers are sometimes letters (and that’s where I stopped liking math)

In this case….26.2 doesn’t mean a marathon that you may be thinking but this time it means the weight I have lost since being diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes.

For 63 days I have been taking my meds, eating clean, planning ahead, making adjustments, checking my blood sugar and all that effort has resulted in 26.2 pounds gone! It’s the same size as your average 2 year old. Whoop whoop.

At the grocery store on Sunday I picked up a 10 pound bag of sugar and almost burst into tears to think that I’ve lost 2 1/2 of those.

I feel so good. I am so encouraged. It’s working. I am determined. This has not been possible alone. I am trusting God and his plan for me and my life. I am trusting that God makes all things work for my greater good. I am powerless. My health was out of control and I didn’t even know where to start.

Not perfect but progress!

Stay on this ride with me, the best is yet to be.

❤️ ‘Sugar Free’ Cookie

Do The Next Right Thing…

After taking a couple of days to digest where I was with my health, I took the first steps towards returning to health.

The first thing was to take my meds. Clearly my body needs some assistance so filling and then taking my meds as prescribed. That’s easy.

Then not having a meal plan or even knowing where to start, I did what I knew and went to the grocery store. I focused on things I like to eat that I know are healthy. I thought I walk away with 10 thing but to my surprise I found lots of healthy things I like.

I have had the bad habit of actually not eating. And then having some coffee with my cream and sugar. Which I knew was bad for me but it’s what worked at the time. And to quote Dr Phil ‘when you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences’.

Consequences are no fun. But I’m here. Type 2 diabetes is kinda scary. There’s nothing’s like finding motivation from a little fear.

I’ve eaten pretty clean the last few days. I had a follow up doctors appointment today. I was happy that just 7 days in, my numbers are already improving.

There’s a saying that I learned in my recovery program….do the next right thing. For someone who is getting used to simply eating again, I’m trying to set myself up for success by focusing on the next right thing. The next right choice.

My journey continues…

My Journey Begins…

While this new journey officially started 6 days ago, upon reflection I became open for this journey since the beginning of the year.

I am actively involved in a Christ Centered 12 step program and have been for the last 3 1/2 years. This time of personal grown and healing has changed my life in many ways. Including healing parts of my heart that I didn’t even realize were hurting.

Since the start of the year, I have had the feelings that my outside didn’t reflect who I am inside. And that my weight impacted my witness. I would give lessons and think why would anyone care about what I have to say being the size that I am. Knowing full well that everyone in the room loves me anyway.

I’d look in the mirror and not know the person looking back at me. I saw pictures of myself and would cry.

And then a few weeks ago, I said out loud in a meeting…. I have carried this baggage of my sins/character defects on my person for a long time and while I feel freedom from old hurts and habits, I look in the mirror and the person looking back at me does not reflect the person I am inside. 

I’ve been praying to understand. I’m not a typical over eater. I don’t fit into that mold. I have never been a good food planner. I have eat out way too much. And I have not eaten for long periods of time.

And then last Tuesday I had prayers answered in a way I never expected.

I went to the doctor from one reason and left knowing that my life will never be the same.

Did you know you are Type 2 Diabetic? I didn’t until that moment.

Everything changed….meds…a overhaul on my diet….maybe insulin….checking my blood pressure, checking my blood sugar….exercise….manage stress better.

Not terrible things. Not terrible by any means. Actually I truly believe this is an answer to prayer. I now have to have a plan and I have to take care of myself. And I have to listen to my body.

This is my starting point.

My journey begins….stay on this ride with me, the best is yet to be.